As I finish my final paper for my Gender and Popular Culture class, I find that it has been an incredibly enlightening and challenging experience. My first reaction was, "Oh God, get me the hell out of this class," but I stayed for some reason and I'm so glad I did. I read some incredible work and really got the chance to explore the realms of feminism, liberation theology, and ecofeminism. I discovered a rich body of work that is just as important as the systematic theology we study at the divinity school. If you are interested at all, or just want to know why I've gone crazy, check out some of the reading I suggested below. Some of it is a bit dry at first, but it's really fascinating.

My favorite book of the semester is Fall to Violence by Marjorie Hewitt Suchocki. She does an incredible job of re-imagining original sin and the way we look at sin in our daily lives. She bases her work on strong academic study and is not afraid to challenge some of the longstanding arguments of Neibuhr and Augustine. Other books worth checking out are Integrating Ecofeminism, Globalization, and World Religions by Rosemary Radford Ruether. This work is chock full of great economic analysis and has a nifty chapter breaking down the top 8 world religions and their views on ecological sustainability and human/creation relationships. Finally, Feminism and the Mastery of Nature by Val Plumwood is a great introduction in the the philosophical arguments of Plato and Descartes and the dangers of dualism in our thought.

I know that I will need to reflect and revisit my work this semester many times to fully grasp the importance and process of ecofeminism, but I am convinced it has invaluable opportunities to help everyone, not only women or environmentalists, better understand our relationship with the created order and with one another.

Well, I'm off to buy myself some well-deserved breakfast! Only one final paper left!

Peace,

Jodi

Yesterday I met with my advisor for the last time to discuss my final list of courses. Good news , folks! I'm on target to graduate in May!

Wait, graduate!?

Oh dear Lord, what is happening? Am I really ready for this? Of course not. I find myself plagued with many of the doubts, fears, and insecurities that have accompanied me thus far on the journey. I've learned that some of them never go away. The same goes for all of those bad qualities like procrastination, being passive- aggressive, conflict avoidance. My experiences over the last year and half have taught me a lot. I have learned that all of these things are a part of who I am, and sometimes for good reason. But rather than hating myself when they rear their ugly heads, I have been trying to approach them with a healthy level of curiosity. I know, I know, it sounds all fluffy and touchy-feely. But in reality, it has helped me discover a lot about how I end up in situations that are less than stellar. Being able to recognize when I am starting to go down that path is quite helpful in turning myself around, or simply acknowledging what is going on and seeing how I can avoid falling back into bad habits. Let me give an example.

Ordination. This word is fraught with many emotions for me. I am excited, frustrated, angry, fearful, confident, and joyful. As many of you know, I have been journeying through this process over the last few years. As a Methodist, there are a lot of hoops to jump through. Plain and simple. The committees that interview candidates want to make sure that people are truly committed and called to such a vocation. And this process has been a steep learning curve.

Enter Jodi. One of my less stellar qualities is my lack of assertiveness. I hate having to sell myself. I like to let my actions (or resume) speak for itself. I'd much rather have several letters of recommendation than have to explain why I'm going to be an awesome pastor, etc. (In my own twisted way, I think I might be striving for some sick for of humility. More on this in another post, but Augustine's view of the sin of pride....not so much for the southern ladies. We need to insert some feminist theology here to truly understand that ours in a sin of hiding)

But I digress. Over the past year, I have felt myself slipping through the cracks in the system, but done relatively little to correct it. I felt like I was taking care of my responsibilities by being a student and completing my course requirements. The least the district office could do was their job and keep me in the loop. We also had a lot of turnover in our office, so that made things more frustrating, having to introduce myself to a new district superintendent each year. There was a lot of phone tag. I would go months without hearing anything. I argued to myself that I had fulfilled my requirements and they would contact me when then needed something else. Fast forward to Nov. 1, 2009. All these months of sitting back and waiting, not being proactive and assertive, and hoping that things would work out, have led me to a disappointing turn of events to say the least. In order to be eligible for an appointment this June after I graduate, I need to be certified as a candidate for ordained ministry by the district committee in January. To be ready for this meeting, I need to be assigned a mentor and work through what is called the Candidacy Guidebook. This usually takes a number of months, depending on how often you meet with you mentor. Now, I've been requesting a mentor for well over a year now, and there have been various reasons for why I haven't received one. At first, there was a slew of paperwork that needed to be filled out, then I had to meet with the DS again. As of last April, I was not assigned a mentor because I was going to be in Central America for the summer. I was promised that if I contacted the new DS (remember that turnover I told you about earlier?) as soon as I got back in August, I would receive a mentor, be able to work with them through the fall in preparation for the January meeting and, if all went well, I would be eligible for a local pastor's license and because of my status as a Rural Fellow I would be able to get an appointment. Sadly to say, this has not happened. I find myself with no mentor, and having to swallow the bitter pill of waiting another year before I am eligible for an appointment. I began contacting the district office in July by email, while I was still in El Salvador. I called and emailed a time or two after I got back. Nothing. Sometime mid September I began seeking out counsel from some people I trusted in the church as to how to handle this situation. They encouraged me to basically bombard the district office with phone calls and emails until I got a meeting time. This took about 2 weeks, but I eventually got in to see the DS and introduced myself, explained the situation, and begged for a mentor. I even gave him the name of a pastor who had offered to help me out and be my mentor if the DS didn't have anyone available. After receiving a promise of a mentor in 1-2 weeks, I left feeling more positive about the situation, thinking maybe things had turned around after all. Of course, I never heard anything after that. A month and a half has passed since that meeting and I've yet to receive anything. I have called a few times, to no avail. and I'm seriously considering just dropping by from time to time to "check-in."

Now, there is a fair amount of responsibility to be place on the district office (in my opinion) but I also have to accept that if I had been more assertive and proactive last year, I might find myself in a different situation. I have learned that in the church, I will not be able to passively sit back and wait for others. I will have to be much more assertive. I will have to call and email and sometimes even show up in person to get things done. And I can't feel bad about doing it.

The even more ironic thing is that the div school is having a luncheon for all the students and DS' in the conference tomorrow. So I'll get to see the former DS and the new DS. I'm hoping to have a few minutes to take them aside and find out what is going on. God give me strength. I hate confrontation. I hate having to do this, but it is necessary.

Keep me in yours prayers and I will keep each of you in mine throughout this week.

Peace,

Jodi